WARNING: This post my contain a little TMI regarding pregnancy issues for some if not all of you. Proceed at your own risk...
Monday morning, and by morning I mean 4:00am, I woke, 16 weeks into pregnancy, from a dream and rolled over in bed. At that point I experienced what I thought was a minor but normal pregnancy issue-a non airtight bladder- and again it being the minorest of minor and me being the tiredest of tired, fell right back to sleep. When 20 minutes later I felt a much larger "gush" I knew that my bladder was not THAT leaky and something else was going on.
I woke to find myself in quite a bit of blood and after making it to the bathroom had much more exit my body. I called for Joe to wake up and on the third call he finally responded and I relayed what was happening. In the few minutes of discussion of what to do the bleeding stopped. Joe decided to call his mom, the expert of all things pregnancy, and then he called the on-call doctor. The bleeding had remained stopped and so he told us while we could go to the ER right then, unless the bleeding started again nothing would be changed by doing so and we might be just as well to wait the three hours until our doctor made it into the office. Many silent prayers had been said up to this point and I felt at peace about waiting to see my doctor. By peace I don't mean that I thought there was any hope that I was still carrying a live baby inside of me, but peace in terms of this would be an okay choice and comfort that all would be okay.
Joe's mom meanwhile chose not to wait for our call to come but got right in her car and headed over. This also happened to be a night where Chloe's bad dreams led her to sleep on our floor in our room. With all that was going on, all of us except Noah were up and wide awake when Diane arrived at 5:00am. This was a blessing in that I had other people to talk to to distract myself from what we all believed was the inevitable conclusion - we had begun to have a miscarriage. Now I have never had a miscarriage and have experienced nothing but perfect pregnancies so far. I have never taken a negative pregnancy test. So this feeling of loss was a first for me. With Diane already here we were able to head out as soon as Dr. Lesser's office was able to get us in - which was FAST.
As we drove I had several mixed feelings. This pregnancy has been different in that I hadn't yet quite wrapped my head around the fact that we were having a third baby and because of that I felt guilt that maybe this had happened because I hadn't loved or wanted this baby enough. I also was clinging to the fact that everything COULD be okay. In seeing that blood and feeling that loss I KNEW that I did and do want this baby and I wanted everything to be okay. We arrived with Joe and I expecting the worst but hoping for the best.
To our surprise, the best is what we got. The doctor examined me, found no more active bleeding and in fact found that my cervix was still completely closed. Then came the moment when we, Joe for the first time, heard the heartbeat of our sweet little child - strong and healthy. YES! When we questioned the doctor, she replied that sometimes these things happen - it could have been a random vein that burst and resealed, but it was in no way related to the pregnancy. I breathed a sigh of relief that I could maintain my normal activities and not worry that this was a sign of a hard or lost pregnancy. Just a fluke that I had never heard of before.
As I reflected, tiredly, on the events of that morning later that day, I couldn't help but be grateful and that is why I post this - to remember the tender mercies of a loving Heavenly Father. After the initial shock wore off, at no point was I in a state of fear. Through prayer I was blessed with a spirit of peace and comfort that, no matter the result, I would be okay. There are so many wonderful blessings to the gospel in which I believe and one that I am most grateful for is the knowledge that we are led and guided by a Heavenly Father that loves us and will guide and protect us as much as we allow him while we are on this journey known as life. I am grateful that this little child inside of me is alive and kicking (literally, I felt those flutters for the first time this week) and that we have the opportunity to add a child to our family and to have the opportunity to teach our children the gospel! Although maybe I would have preferred not to experience this scare, especially at 4:00am, I am grateful for experiences that put things into perspective and show me how much I, one tiny person, am loved.
Monday morning, and by morning I mean 4:00am, I woke, 16 weeks into pregnancy, from a dream and rolled over in bed. At that point I experienced what I thought was a minor but normal pregnancy issue-a non airtight bladder- and again it being the minorest of minor and me being the tiredest of tired, fell right back to sleep. When 20 minutes later I felt a much larger "gush" I knew that my bladder was not THAT leaky and something else was going on.
I woke to find myself in quite a bit of blood and after making it to the bathroom had much more exit my body. I called for Joe to wake up and on the third call he finally responded and I relayed what was happening. In the few minutes of discussion of what to do the bleeding stopped. Joe decided to call his mom, the expert of all things pregnancy, and then he called the on-call doctor. The bleeding had remained stopped and so he told us while we could go to the ER right then, unless the bleeding started again nothing would be changed by doing so and we might be just as well to wait the three hours until our doctor made it into the office. Many silent prayers had been said up to this point and I felt at peace about waiting to see my doctor. By peace I don't mean that I thought there was any hope that I was still carrying a live baby inside of me, but peace in terms of this would be an okay choice and comfort that all would be okay.
Joe's mom meanwhile chose not to wait for our call to come but got right in her car and headed over. This also happened to be a night where Chloe's bad dreams led her to sleep on our floor in our room. With all that was going on, all of us except Noah were up and wide awake when Diane arrived at 5:00am. This was a blessing in that I had other people to talk to to distract myself from what we all believed was the inevitable conclusion - we had begun to have a miscarriage. Now I have never had a miscarriage and have experienced nothing but perfect pregnancies so far. I have never taken a negative pregnancy test. So this feeling of loss was a first for me. With Diane already here we were able to head out as soon as Dr. Lesser's office was able to get us in - which was FAST.
As we drove I had several mixed feelings. This pregnancy has been different in that I hadn't yet quite wrapped my head around the fact that we were having a third baby and because of that I felt guilt that maybe this had happened because I hadn't loved or wanted this baby enough. I also was clinging to the fact that everything COULD be okay. In seeing that blood and feeling that loss I KNEW that I did and do want this baby and I wanted everything to be okay. We arrived with Joe and I expecting the worst but hoping for the best.
To our surprise, the best is what we got. The doctor examined me, found no more active bleeding and in fact found that my cervix was still completely closed. Then came the moment when we, Joe for the first time, heard the heartbeat of our sweet little child - strong and healthy. YES! When we questioned the doctor, she replied that sometimes these things happen - it could have been a random vein that burst and resealed, but it was in no way related to the pregnancy. I breathed a sigh of relief that I could maintain my normal activities and not worry that this was a sign of a hard or lost pregnancy. Just a fluke that I had never heard of before.
As I reflected, tiredly, on the events of that morning later that day, I couldn't help but be grateful and that is why I post this - to remember the tender mercies of a loving Heavenly Father. After the initial shock wore off, at no point was I in a state of fear. Through prayer I was blessed with a spirit of peace and comfort that, no matter the result, I would be okay. There are so many wonderful blessings to the gospel in which I believe and one that I am most grateful for is the knowledge that we are led and guided by a Heavenly Father that loves us and will guide and protect us as much as we allow him while we are on this journey known as life. I am grateful that this little child inside of me is alive and kicking (literally, I felt those flutters for the first time this week) and that we have the opportunity to add a child to our family and to have the opportunity to teach our children the gospel! Although maybe I would have preferred not to experience this scare, especially at 4:00am, I am grateful for experiences that put things into perspective and show me how much I, one tiny person, am loved.
14 comments:
awe love this. (well the tender mercy lesson, not that you had to go through that) i'm so glad everything is good and that you and the baby are healthy :)
Oh my goodness, Jen! Thank you for posting such a personal experience! That is quite the 'scary morning'...but I am glad that everything is okay! Thank you for your beautiful testimony & amazing example of faith, trust, and courage. You're amazing!
I am so glad you and the baby are okay. I started to cry at the thought of you losing the baby. I think you are so strong to be willing to accept the fact that your baby might be gone. I don't know if I could have done that.
Either you totally edited that experience or YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE CALM THAN ME! Sorry you had to go through such a scary thing but I'm very glad you were able to learn from it and that you guys are okay! Happy pregnancy!
That is so scary! I can't imagine what you were feeling. I am so glad that everything is ok:)
My heart is still pounding and I'm still a little panicked from your first paragraph there. But it's true - the peace that comes from our Heavenly Father, and His assurance that things will be okay, is truly one of His greatest blessings to us.
I'm so glad things turned out the way they did.
Awe, I still have chills! I'm so happy for you that things were okay. I've learned that Heavenly Father is a God of details and I am so thankful for that. :)
Glad you are okay - what a scary experience. I love your blog and all your posts. Thanks for sharing your life with us! I wish we were closer so we could be with you to share more of your experiences, good and bad. We love you and your family and can't wait for the new addition. Lots of love
Christy
This brought tears to my eyes. Wow. And I agree, nothing compares to true peace.
Holy scare! So glad all is well. It is nice to know that "come what may," God knows us & is there for us.
Thank you for your testimony...I am thriving on faith building experiences.
i'm so glad everything is okay. i can only imagine what was going through your mind that morning!
I'm a little behind on blogging so I just read your post. I'm so sorry you had to go through such a scary experience and I am so glad that everything is OK with you and your sweet little baby.
Wow, that sure sounds scary. I got a little emotional at first reading this. I'm so glad everything turned out okay.
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