A Month Ago...

A month and two days ago I looked like this in the last picture taken before my water broke...A month and two days ago if you had asked me then how I felt about being pregnant, I would have told you that I felt fat, ugly, and couldn't wait to be done. Little did I know as I sat on the beach with my family that my pregnant experience would shortly be over and that I would today see women well into their pregnancies and find myself jealous that I don't get to be uncomfortable, swollen, and cute like them.

A month and two days ago, I didn't know that in pregnancy's place I would be grateful to have a child that by all accounts is healthy and perfect. Adam's well being is something that I worried about from the moment he arrived. One of the things I didn't mention in telling the story of Adam's birth was the reason behind Adam's sudden drop in heart rate and quick entry into the world. Tiny, purple, and quiet, Adam was followed unexpectedly by another object. "Was that her placenta?" I heard a surprised voice ask. The doctor looked and confirmed that it had followed on it's own. It was at that time that the doctor realized that my placenta had abrupted, or torn away from the "wall" it was attached to. The moment that happened the baby lost all nutrients and oxygen, causing the heart rate drop and everything that followed. Most of us who know how to tie our shoes also know that without oxygen we cannot survive. The neonatologist came in shortly after Adam was stable and explained that he had been without oxygen and that, while the less important organs, like the intestines, usually shut down first when the oxygen goes, because they didn't know how long Adam had been without oxygen they couldn't say whether there would be permanent damage to the brain. Scary.

A month and two days later, I am grateful that my little Adam is here and has so far passed every developmental task given him, indicating more and more that there was and is no damage to our little guy's brain. I am so grateful for answers to prayers, for the prayers of others, and for the stressful blessing this experience has been in our lives. While I am grateful I am also excited for the day, in about a week, that Adam comes home and that working brain of his can start on the path of learning to crawl, talk, and occasionally drive me crazy. I can't wait!

Changes

What a difference a week makes. Through this process Adam has continued to do much better than expected, but he made some significant progress in this last week...

Adam moved out of his first bed, the Isolette and into an open bed!!

The bed transition occurred because he is gaining weight, finally topping the 4lb mark and swiftly moving to today's weight of 4lbs 7 oz. This marks a 1lb gain from his birth weight and about 1.5 lbs from his lowest weight of 3 lbs 2 oz. He looks almost chubby in this picture I snapped of him today. Hard to believe he is still just shy of being HALF the weight Noah was when he was born.Our next bit of progress is up to you to spot. Look closely at the following two pictures... Now check out the next couple...Did you spot the difference yet? If not, let me help you out - he had his oxygen removed and is breathing completely on his own!! You'll notice he still has his feeding tube, but his last bit of weekly progress is that he started eating this week! He is doing amazing and I am hoping we will be able to see his entire face clear of tubes soon!

The three criteria for being able to get him home are:

Weight gain

Maintaining body temperature

Eating on his own

The key is getting all three working together at the same time, so if we can keep this feeding thing going, and he can keep up with the other two, we hope to have him home in about two weeks. 28 days in and with the bill topping $100,000 we are hoping for sooner rather than later! Glass half full moment - we have REALLY could insurance and will only pay a fraction of that amount.

In other news - as life does go on outside of the hospital - our other two kids have had some fun changes this week too. Chloe started soccer! She has been asking and asking to play and as a former soccer star myself (haha).... I have been excited to see her learn. Unfortunately she panicked a little when we first arrived.Fortunately she got over it, played, scored three goals, and LOVES it! Adam isn't the only one who switched beds this week. After getting Chloe a "big girl" twin bed and moving the toddler bed into Noah's room, we finally convinced him to try it out. What a big boy!

This picture above illustrates what I would most like to be doing most of the time - sleeping! I just have to remind myself that once Adam comes home I will get less, not more sleep. At least I can stay in my pajamas all day if I want to!

Glass Half Full

Just over two weeks in, and I am already so so so sick of hospitals! My kids on the other hand have thought that having baby brother there is pretty cool - aside from the mom and dad being gone alot part. When I was in the hospital post partum, some of the highlights they found great enjoyment in were:

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Eating at the hospital cafeteria (which is actually pretty yummy) and pretty much getting any treat they asked for

Cuddle time with mom without having a big belly get in the way anymore Working on the ever important kung-fu skills
Playing with the super cool hospital bed buttons

Getting to take a picture of mom by themselves to celebrate getting released

While the kids have celebrated me being home from the hospital I am having a hard time splitting my time between my children at home and my child in the hospital. The adrenaline has worn off and now there are days where I am just overwhelmed. This morning I had to remind myself that there will come a day where I will get to walk out of the hospital with my sweet Adam in tow. Basically I'm surviving on finding "Glass half full moments." Some of them include:

For as early as Adam arrived he has had miraculously smooth sailing so far with no major problems coming up - my fingers are crossed that that remains the same

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Carrying a baby for only 30 weeks means less baby weight to lose!

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I've had the baby but I get to sleep through the night

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I have wonderful friends and family that have been SO supportive and helpful

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I didn't have to make dinner for two weeks (although the fact that every meal included dessert may negate the bonus of having less baby weight to lose as I have surely put some back on)

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We live within 10 minutes of the hospital

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Those are just a few of the moments that help me see the postive in life right now. The biggest is the comfort I feel from a Heavenly Father who loves me and knows I can survive this even when there are moments where I am in doubt.

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Adam IS doing so well and that is really a blessing. I have been amazed to watch him already start to develop and progress and look at each growth as a step closer to him coming home.

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So far Adam loves using his hands. Most of that use comes in trying to pull the oxygen out of his nose, but occasionally he does find his mouth

With the loss of his umbilical cord, Adam has moved past spongebath stage to actual baths. He actually enjoys them and the nurses tell me that he is generally very easy going with all the poking and prodding he is subjected to. Lets hope that nature remains the same when he gets home and is subjected to the poking and prodding of an older brother and sister.

He has been upgraded to getting to wear clothing which he looks so cute in! I wish I could capture a picture on camera to convey how adorable he is, but so far he loves to blink or wink almost every time I think I have the perfect shot. From his not wanting to pose for pictures to his smirks at me when his oxygen levels dip, I think Adam is going to be a little tease, which he's going to need if he wants to survive in our family!

Hop On Board the Animal Train

My kids have a toy train that, as it moves, sings "Hop on board the animal train, everyone..." Last night, in an effort to combine Noah's desire to be pulled in a wagon, and Chloe's to ride a four wheeler, Joe created a "train" that almost everyone enjoyed a ride on:

One Week Down...

A week has passed since our little Adam made his unexpected entrance into the world and I am so glad that so far he has been doing as well as is possible for how early he came. The doctors were able to remove a ventilator the first night, and if all goes well he will lose one of his larger IVs today. Doing well doesn't necessarily move up when they think he might be released, but it sure doesn't make it longer - 7 weeks is plenty long as it is. Speaking of long, here is a picture to give you an idea of how tiny our little guy is: his length and size as compared to Joe's hand.So to finally document, here is the story of how Adam came to be here in his little Isolette:

This pregnancy being more difficult than my other two has not been a secret, so there was always a concern that he could come early, but I was little prepared for it when he did at 30 weeks. Last Sunday, August 22, it was noon and we were just getting out of church. One of my friends came and touched my belly and it was at that moment I felt the first little "gush" of fluid. Given my pregnancy history I just regarded it as annoying more than as a sign that something was wrong. We went home, I got the kids lunch, I updated my blog, and I had a few more inconvenient gushes. At around 4:00PM I started to realize that I was experiencing this a little more than seemed "normal" and it was then that the idea that my water had broken first crossed my mind. My experience did not mesh with water breaking stories I had heard in the past so I got on the computer to research a little, and started to worry. Deciding to lay down for a little bit to see if that affected anything I told Joe, jokingly, that we might be having the baby today. I believed that if and when we went to the doctor they would tell me that it was just fluid around my placenta, the baby was fine, and to go home. However while laying down I experienced a much larger gush, asked Joe, on the phone with his mom, to have her come watch the kids, and headed there to be told the opposite.

A funny side note - when we got to the labor and delivery wing, I had to undress and provide a urine sample - I know, cool right? What wasn't so cool was when, in the process of changing, I accidentally knocked over someone else's sample. Aren't I awesome? At least in the stress of the moment we had something to laugh about.

So, upon checking me, a nurse verified that it was my water that had broken. We were then informed that as a result of my water breaking and because it was too soon for Adam to be born, my labor was going to try to be stopped and I would have to stay in the hospital for up to 7 weeks until they could no longer prevent the baby from coming. That idea was overwhelming to us and I should have started to panic, but I think I was too in shock to process what was really happening. The idea that the process of having this baby had started, how it was going to affect Joe and my kids, not to mention myself was just craziness.

At this point I was officially admitted to the hospital, hooked up to monitors and given medication to stop my labor. Maybe the baby knew he could endure 7 weeks in the hospital better than I could because through the night contractions started and continued to increase in strength, and decrease in distance apart. When my nurse came in around 6:00 the next morning I was checked at a 4. She called the doctor who, when she checked on me the previous night, said she would be surprised if I made through the week, and determined that this labor could probably not be stopped and to go ahead and give me an epidural.

Heaven. Ahhhh the relief I experienced with that epidural was heaven. Zheila (pronounced G-la) my nurse told me that at that point the plan was to leave me alone. They didn't want to check me anymore than they had to for fear of dialating my cervix more and really didn't want to do anything that would speed up labor. So Joe and I spent the morning talking about the ramifications of what was going to happen from here until and then after the baby was born. We had been visited by the NICU staff and told a little bit about what to expect and were really just still trying to process everything. Our kids had spent the night with Grandma McBride and they were going to stop by and visit and in the meantime I just watched the monitor show my contractions steadily moving on. Here's where the story get's good:

Around 11:45 I noticed that my contractions were coming every 2-3 minutes and I was starting to feel them - nothing too painful, but I was aware of them. At that time, Joe's mom called to say they were there and asked Joe to go meet them to let them in to say hi. Also, at the same time I felt another famous gush, and realizing that no one had checked on me for a while decided to call the nurse under the idea that it was better safe than sorry to have her come make sure everything was still fine. Joe walked out, Zheila walked in and it was then that Adam's heart rate dropped from 150 to 90.

Zheila was quickly followed by two nurses who started moving me all over the place to try to figure out what was going on with the heart rate. My doctor came in not a minute later and while they were checking my tummy, she checked my cervix. The moment she touched me I felt the baby's head come down. She said, "Oh wow, she's complete plus one, she needs to go now, unhook her and get her to the OR stat." I didn't realize doctors actually say "stat" but apparently they do because she said it several more times. As the nurses were franctically trying to unhook all my stuff, she kept saying "I said stat. She's complete plus one, we need to move her now. Stat." The nurses were not the only frantic ones. I was FREAKING out. Joe had left me, they were saying it was imperative I deliver this baby fast, they were going to move me to where Joe couldn't find me (having prearranged to have me deliver in an Operating Room so the NICU staff could be right there) and I didn't know what to do. Amid the chaos I was able to grab my phone and text Joe to "COME NOW!!!!!!!"

Joe meanwhile had met his mom and our kids at the door and turned around to come back in. The receptionist informed him he would have to wait because they were dealing with an emergency and it was then he got my text, asked what room the emergency was in and, upon giving my room number 4509 to the nurse, was told to run.

At 11:59 I was wheeled into the operating room as Dr Lesser changed her clothes. The nurses started debating whether to move me to the operating room or to leave me on the bed. I was watching everything still in shock. Dr. Lesser entered the room told them to leave me on the bed, and get the stirrups up.

Now with my two other deliveries my pushing experience was really rather calm. I was told to push, told I had done well, to take a break, and to push again in what now seems like a very relaxed, peaceful manner. Calm is not a word I would use to describe this experience. As soon as the doctor was ready, four nurses surrounded me, pushed me into a ball, held my legs and started screaming at me to push. "Push! Push like your life depends on it! Push like you have never pushed before!" Not one of them was staying silent, and as I would pause to take a breath they continued: "Push again! Push HARD! PUSH!" Luckily I didn't endure the screaming very long as less than a minute later and about 10 seconds after Joe made it into the room, Adam was born at 12:05PM.

My baby was immediately handed off to the NICU staff and my tears just as immediately started. The relief of being done was overcome with the anxiousness of wanting to know if my baby was okay. Joe went into watch as they started resuscitating him and I lay there helpless wondering what was happening to my little boy. The only thing I could do was pray, fervently, that he would be okay and allowed to live. I was transfered back to my room where minutes later I was told that Adam was stable and that they hoped he remained so. As I mentioned at first he has done as well as possible from there on out.

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A week in, the road has been stressful. Between trying to take care of my kids at home and getting to visit Adam at the hospital and dealing with the emotions that accompany leaving your child in a hospital, I have definitely experienced ups and downs. I am so grateful that, if Adam had to come early, that he is doing well. I am so grateful that we have felt so much love and support from friends and family. I am so grateful that I have a Heavenly Father that hears and answers prayers and, while this is not the road I wished for, will continue to bless us to be able to make it through this experience and get Adam home safe and healthy.

Adam Wesley McBride

Note to self - Never end a blog with: ... like I am tempting something to happen. Like when I ended my last post with the thought that'd we'd see if I would make it to another post before the baby came, and I went to the hospital an hour later - yeah. Good times.

So the story of his arrival is a good one, but I don't quite have the energy to share it quite yet. Another day. For now I wanted to post some pictures of our cute little guy.

Adam was born at 12:05 PM Monday August 23, 2010

3.7 lbs, 16 inches

He came off the ventilator the first night and has been doing well. They estimate he will be in the NICU for about 7 weeks. We are definitely praying that will go fast!We appreciate all the love and support we have received and are grateful for such wonderful family and friends

Updates of a Slacker Mom

I could give several excuses, like we purchased a new computer, life has been busy, I'm trying to accomplish non computer related items in advance of the baby's arrival...the truth is I have just been lazy. I sit down at the computer with the intention to post, and then just don't want to. No more delays from this slacker though - here is what has been happening in the McBride home lately:

Dad:

Work Work Work. Joe is currently working a rotation of graveyard shifts. This really isn't as bad as it sounds as he is generally up for the day just after Noah gets up from a nap and then doesn't go to work until the kids go to bed. We end up getting to see more of him on this shift than a 9-5 day would normally allow. When he isn't working he has been great about trying to plan fun activities with the kids and has tried to make time to take himself fishing as well. One thing he wouldn't make time for - posing for a picture that I could post of him here!

Mom:

Ugh. I'm exhausted. To say this pregnancy has been much different than my previous two would be a complete understatement. Take the fact that getting larger and less mobile makes having to deal with two other children at the same time more difficult, add to that periods of mind numbing, dry heave inducing pain, and it is definitely not the pregnancy I thought I was signing up for. I wouldn't trade it(him) for the world though. Here is my (Chloe took the picture and missed my face, which I think is really better for everyone involved) baby belly at 30 weeks:

Ten more weeks give or take to go!

In addition to doctor check-ups and ultrasounds I have also been able to go to girls camp with the young women of my church, go on a ward camp out, and just this weekend camped with our family. I know, camping while pregnant, fun right?! My mom just reminds me that she did it nine monthes pregnant while having her food supply attacked by racoons. My experiences weren't nearly as bad and were in fact very enjoyable. Now that the baby's arrival is drawing near I also need to finally decorate Noah's room which he will share, so I have been constantly on the look out for great ideas. Other than that, and resting (ha) whenever I can get the chance, there is not a whole lot else to report with me. Super exciting, right?

Chloe:

Chloe is finally getting better at letting me experiment with her hair. She insisted I take and post a picture of our most recent try: Curling it with a flat iron. Other news in Chloe's world:

* Chloe started preschool this last week. I am still kicking myself for forgetting my camera. She has a new teacher, Ms. Halladay, this year, and she thinks she "might be friends with some of the kids in her class."

* Chloe is officially 4 1/2, not at all too soon to start planning her official first birthday party at age 5. Invitations have been created several times over and this little girl cannot wait for the big day!

* Chloe has a "boyfriend". She has recently started calling the little boy that used to live across the street from us her boyfriend. When I asked her what made him her boyfriend, her response was "We just have a lot in common."

* Chloe is making the switch to big big twin sized bed this week! She wanted a carriage bed, or one with princess crowns all over it, but we ended up agreeing on a plain white bed that will last her a lot longer.

* Chloe will start soccer in a couple of weeks, the only activity that she has thus far been excited about trying.

* Chloe has been a sweet big sister and watching her and Noah play together are most often my happiest moments of the day!

Noah:

If only he always acted as sweet as this picture would lead you to believe. Make no mistake, this little guy can be the sweetest kid on Earth, but he is developing a little temper lately. That aside, when I am having a rough time he is generally the first to try to make me feel better with a hug or kiss. Other Noah items:

* Noah's vocabulary is growing and growing. His favorite word right now is actually. No I didn't end the sentence too soon, it is actually the word actually. As in "Actually you call it Boondock's mom." "Actually I just tooted" "I don't want to take a nap "actually". Cracks me up every time"

* Noah is sad he is not going to preschool this year and continues to ask when his turn is

* Noah can't enter Old Navy without busting out some break dancing moves. I don't know what it is about Old Navy, but the moment we walk in the door, both my kids start dancing, irrespective of the fact that other people can actually see them (normally a huge deal breaker for them). He gets right onto the floor and starts working it. One of these days I need to document this.

* Noah is starting to get used to the idea that the potty chair is something he might want to try out one of these days. We are trying to get him excited about the idea, but I'm not so sure it's working quite yet.

* Noah thinks we should name the baby "baby brother" Other brilliant ideas: Pickle ice cream head, Tooter, and Cantalope smiley face. All keepers.

Speaking of baby brother...

Baby boy McBride, is really making his upcoming presence in our lives known. I mentioned some pregnancy difficulties, and here is an update - again this is where the slacking makes me feel bad as I probably should have posted some of this much earlier. In a previous post I mentioned a scare and while nothing has come close to that I have had a few other pregnancy related issues.

First, I have had pain, horrific pain, that I could not find any rhyme reason or link to. When the pain hits, I have trouble moving, breathing, or carrying on a conversation. When it hits, if I take tylenol immediately, the pain decreases after about 30 minutes, but almost always lasts about 2 hours. At first I was told this was ligament pains, but I always found this hard to believe.

Then, when I had a screening test, the test came back showing there could be a problem with the baby. When I went in for my targeted ultrasound they looked closely and determined the baby was developing perfectly fine, but my placenta was a question mark. There was quite a bit of extra blood (which set off the false positive for the screening test) and a large clot. The placenta was attached "enough" and might not cause any problems, but I was told that, although I would not be placed on bed rest or restrictions of any kind, they had no idea what would happen and would have to watch me more closely. They did conclude that all the extra blood is proabably what has been causing my pain.

So, I have had to go in for extra ultrasounds and had to endure pain that I never know when will hit, but with continued checks have been told that they baby is still growing great, in fact is a bit ahead for growth, and I have made it to the point where if the baby is born, it will most likely survive!

All that aside, I do feel good if not great most of the time. I just have no idea if the baby will come in 10 weeks or ten days. I laugh, that it will be funny when he is actually born late. He is a great little mover though, and I love feeling that movement inside of me. I can't believe the time is coming so fast. Let's hope I manage another post before then...